Maybe you were the victim of cheating. Maybe you and your spouse fell out of love. Or, perhaps you both figured out that maybe it wasn’t the right time for marriage. Regardless of the reason for your divorce, the process can be overwhelming for anyone involved.
How you handle your divorce can make a huge difference though. While some couples fight and go through lengthy court battles to get what they want from a divorce, others choose to handle the separation amicably and with the least amount of drama possible.
The latter, of course, is less stressful for both parties. Here’s how to handle your divorce like a grown-up and move on.
Only Talk About the Details to Each Other
One of the first things you might want to do during your divorce is rush to the people you love and care about to talk to them about it. It’s great to have your best friends supporting you through your tough time, but it’s not okay to spill all the details about your marriage or divorce. Some things should be kept private out of respect for your ex-partner and your marriage.
While it’s healthy to talk to others about your feelings, you should keep them general. Talk about how you felt unfulfilled or like your feelings toward your spouse changed. Don’t bring up personal conversations you and your ex had about each other’s goals, dreams, or sex life. Respect the relationship you once had and any personal things your ex shared with you; you’d want the same respect.
Similarly, be sure to keep children out of the line of fire. Your kids don’t need to know every detail about your divorce and why it happened. They just need to know that they still have two parents who love them and are going to continue to love them just the same.
Don’t Make Rash Decisions
Divorce can cause people to do some silly things, like hurl words of anger toward one another or fight about things they never would have fought about before. You might want to throw every picture you took together in the trash.
But, a few months or years down the road, you’ll regret making some of those choices.
Thinking with a clear head through a divorce is tough, but it’s necessary. As soon as possible, you should try to let go of any bitterness or resentment you have toward your spouse. Doing so will help you move on in a healthy, productive way without bringing your ex down in the process.
That means that, before you throw your wedding and engagement rings in the trash out of anger, you might want to calm down and think about what you’re doing first. Click here to learn what to do with your ring after divorce.
Recognize Your Role
Something that creates a lot of problems during divorces is when the individuals involved want to point the finger at each other rather than themselves. In every relationship, there are two people involved. It’s more than likely that you each had your own contributions to the divorce, no matter how minute they might seem to you.
Try to see things from your ex’s perspective. It’s likely that, even though you feel like it, you weren’t the victim all the time. Once you recognize the role you played in your divorce, it will be easier to accept that you two weren’t right for each other and move on.
Put the Kids First
Divorce can be even more challenging for children involved than it is for their parents. Still, 82 percent of kids with divorced parents say that they’d rather have had their parents divorce than stay together when they’re not happy in their marriage.
As parents and adults, you owe it to your kids to make sure they have what they need – physically and emotionally – through and after the divorce. You and your ex need to become a united front so that you can co-parent your children in the best way possible for them and yourselves.
Make sure your children know that nothing with your relationships has to change just because of your divorce.
Don’t Look Back and Wonder
It’s common to let your emotions get the best of you when you go through divorce. A divorce takes its toll on you and you might find that your emotions are all over the place. It’s even possible that a lot of the feelings you once had for your ex come flooding back during the process.
You should remember, though, that you two divorced for a reason. Those reasons are still valid, regardless of the emotions the divorce drums up. And, if you do decide that you want to get back together with your ex, you should know that about 60% of remarriages end up failing.
You and your spouse decided to divorce. Choose to end it amicably and with your head held high. You might, one day, decide to work things out again. Until then, don’t stress yourself out second-guessing your decision. Move on, live your life, and see what happens in the future.